Finally the time has come. The time to close a chapter in my life and open a new one. Time to say goodbye to my fellow wheelers, the amazing therapists and medical staff. Time to say goodbye to a very odd lifestyle that I must admit, I have gotten used to.
So last night I bought ice-cream for my leaving 'party'. It is kind of a strange 'party'. Everyone wishes me health and I wish for them to all walk soon and they too will be on their way. On their way to the real world. Wafa ( my arab roommate), is crying. We get someone to translate and she tells us that she is sad for herself that I am going. That I won't be here to hold her when they enject her with blood thiner every night. That I won't be here to remind her to smile when she cries at night. Again I am reminded that we should never under estemate our presence in life.
I must admit that I have a strange feeling inside. One of joy to be going home to the family, but also one of trepedation. What kind of new routine will I have to get used to? How will the new therapists be through the medical fund? Will I be able to manage with work etc? I take a deep breath.....One day at a time...
I know from going home on weekends, that my life has slowed down a great lot. I am not able to just jump back on that treadmill and start running. But as someone very kind told me, I must be kind to myself. This is so true. I will need to find that balance that also allows me to focus on myself. My walking is much better. My arm has kept me a bit frustrated lately. Both the hand and the elbow. The range of motion is not great. During treatment it is quite good, but then jumps back to 90 degrees. The nerve issue is a matter of time - even if it takes a year, I will remain positive that I will have full use of my hand eventually.
The time in rehab has been an eye opener. I have met so many different people from all walks of life, all with different medical / physical issues. It has also shown me how many people, both family and friends care so much. People have gone out of their way to help me and Mark and girls. Whether it was from near or far. My sister Janine and family have been amazing!! We would not have managed without her. My mom and sister in South Africa with their constant calls and care. So many wonderfull friends. The girls from work, with their love and support, especially Shirley, who went out of her way to help not only me, but Mark and the girls. The list can go on and on. I have had an opportunity to see and feel the goodness in this world. It has changed me for life. If we all took the time to show and share more love, we would all be a much happier bunch of people. Don't wait for some accident or tragedy to come your way, show that you care today!
These are the final words from rehab..... See you on the other side!!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
September 27th - Count down begins!
So when I look back at the nine weeks that have passed since the accident, it seems that time has both gone very fast and extremley slow all at the same time.
One of the most amazing things I have come to understand better, is the human body. How amazing it is indeed. We never think about each breath that we take, or step that we take, or a wave of the hand and the muscles and nerves that make it all happen. The body functions, grows, regenerates itself - all this and more without us ever giving a thought. So the question is, what would happen if we did think about it more often? If we used our thoughts to 'influence' the way the body acts and re-acts. I do believe that our thoughts do impact our physical state (and of course our mental state). To what degree I am not so sure. If I listen to Deepak Chopra (both a medical doctor and healer), then I should be convinced that our mental state and thoughts are all that really matter, as that is what controls how our body functions.
One thing I do know is that being positive throughout my experience has certainly helped me. I am walking quite well now. Each weekend that I am home is a kind of test for me. I am able to check myself and my abilities. This last weekend I even managed to wash dishes. Not so sure if it is a good thing actually, and not so sure if the dishes were really clean. But at least I managed a task that 2 weeks ago I could not do. One thing I do notice is how everything takes me so much longer to do. In fact I believe that it is a good thing to slow down life somewhat. If I am really honest with myself, I deep down believe that the nerve damage to the wrist and hand is meant to slow me down. It is a message to me, telling me that I am not meant to just go back to my old life. Always running, from dawn to dawn (no rest with kids that don't, or didn't sleep). So life is slower....The shower takes much longer, the walk across the room is slow, to cut up some veggies is slow enough for me to actually smell the taste of them. Slow slow slow.
Being home for 4 days this last weekend, also allowed me to realize how much time I have had to think about myself. It has been good, but enough is enough. Although the road ahead is still long for my arm and hand and I am sure there will be alot more for me to think about, it will be great to wake up everyday beside Mark and to see the girls smile first thing in the morning. Although Eden is not so cheerful in the early hours. Kylee on the other hand wakes up running! Eden and I made a calendar, until my home coming. She crosses out the days each night. I am not sure if my suggestion to make the calendar, was more for her or for myself. Only 8 sleeps to go, of which 4 of those nights will be at home. Yay, yay yay!!!
My current roomie will not be happy to see me go. She tells me so in Arabic. We have somehow found a way to understand each other. I feel very bad for her, as she feels very alone here. But I must say, everyone has gone out of their way to be extra nice to her and make her feel part of our second home. I can not stop to wonder how I would be received, if I was the only Jewish lady in a predominantly Arabic hospital.....
Anyway, my arm and hand bother me endlessly. Especially when I sleep. The hand is always just so heavy and no matter how much we push and stretch the arm, it always seems to bounce back to 90 degrees. After physio today, I lay on my tummy with weights on my arm pulling it downwards - I let gravity do most of the work. I was very good, but not long after, it bounced right back to 90 degrees.
The work never ends. But I remain as always, positive and hopefull!
One of the most amazing things I have come to understand better, is the human body. How amazing it is indeed. We never think about each breath that we take, or step that we take, or a wave of the hand and the muscles and nerves that make it all happen. The body functions, grows, regenerates itself - all this and more without us ever giving a thought. So the question is, what would happen if we did think about it more often? If we used our thoughts to 'influence' the way the body acts and re-acts. I do believe that our thoughts do impact our physical state (and of course our mental state). To what degree I am not so sure. If I listen to Deepak Chopra (both a medical doctor and healer), then I should be convinced that our mental state and thoughts are all that really matter, as that is what controls how our body functions.
One thing I do know is that being positive throughout my experience has certainly helped me. I am walking quite well now. Each weekend that I am home is a kind of test for me. I am able to check myself and my abilities. This last weekend I even managed to wash dishes. Not so sure if it is a good thing actually, and not so sure if the dishes were really clean. But at least I managed a task that 2 weeks ago I could not do. One thing I do notice is how everything takes me so much longer to do. In fact I believe that it is a good thing to slow down life somewhat. If I am really honest with myself, I deep down believe that the nerve damage to the wrist and hand is meant to slow me down. It is a message to me, telling me that I am not meant to just go back to my old life. Always running, from dawn to dawn (no rest with kids that don't, or didn't sleep). So life is slower....The shower takes much longer, the walk across the room is slow, to cut up some veggies is slow enough for me to actually smell the taste of them. Slow slow slow.
Being home for 4 days this last weekend, also allowed me to realize how much time I have had to think about myself. It has been good, but enough is enough. Although the road ahead is still long for my arm and hand and I am sure there will be alot more for me to think about, it will be great to wake up everyday beside Mark and to see the girls smile first thing in the morning. Although Eden is not so cheerful in the early hours. Kylee on the other hand wakes up running! Eden and I made a calendar, until my home coming. She crosses out the days each night. I am not sure if my suggestion to make the calendar, was more for her or for myself. Only 8 sleeps to go, of which 4 of those nights will be at home. Yay, yay yay!!!
My current roomie will not be happy to see me go. She tells me so in Arabic. We have somehow found a way to understand each other. I feel very bad for her, as she feels very alone here. But I must say, everyone has gone out of their way to be extra nice to her and make her feel part of our second home. I can not stop to wonder how I would be received, if I was the only Jewish lady in a predominantly Arabic hospital.....
Anyway, my arm and hand bother me endlessly. Especially when I sleep. The hand is always just so heavy and no matter how much we push and stretch the arm, it always seems to bounce back to 90 degrees. After physio today, I lay on my tummy with weights on my arm pulling it downwards - I let gravity do most of the work. I was very good, but not long after, it bounced right back to 90 degrees.
The work never ends. But I remain as always, positive and hopefull!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
September 19th - another day at the office...
Woke up with a strange feeling today. A feeling that does not visit me very often ( thank goodness). Enough is enough describes the feeling well. How much more 'savlanut' can a person have I ask? How much slower can one live? It is 2 months now since the accident and I so want to ge back to my life. Now that I am going home on weekends, I get a taste of my life again. Just when I am getting used that sweet taste, boom!, it is over and time to return to the rehab center. It is as if I have 2 lives running on 2 separate tracks and they shall never meet. I just jump from one track to the other. Again when I retun to the center, my tummy turns...
Anyway, I talk with a guy that had a stroke. A very interesting conversation indeed. Although we are in the same rehab center, we are undergoing 2 very different experiences. My rehab is very straight forward really. Broken bones seen in xrays. Healing tracked according to how well the bones heal and the muscles and tendons return to their flexable state. His rehab is very much in the mind. He tells me of his experience when it first happened and how his mind worked fine, but the body would just not react. An interesting thing to note is that most of the men that are here between the ages 50 to 65 are from strokes. Most of the young guys, 18 to 30 are here due to motorbike accidents. Most woman 40+ are here from 'simple' falls.
I am now down to one painkiller a day. I have decided to take it at night as the pain at night is quite intense at times. The arm can not find comfort.
I need to be home. This back and forth is too much for all of us. The girls are confused, and at times so are we. I turn to Louise Hay for inspiration. I try and still the mind. Try and seek the positive thoughts. In the end I find myself here writing. It really helps me release these feelings and thoughts.
I know that tomorrow will be a new day, filled with lots of goodies. But in the meantime, I think I am just gonna let myself feel what I am feeling.
Anyway, I talk with a guy that had a stroke. A very interesting conversation indeed. Although we are in the same rehab center, we are undergoing 2 very different experiences. My rehab is very straight forward really. Broken bones seen in xrays. Healing tracked according to how well the bones heal and the muscles and tendons return to their flexable state. His rehab is very much in the mind. He tells me of his experience when it first happened and how his mind worked fine, but the body would just not react. An interesting thing to note is that most of the men that are here between the ages 50 to 65 are from strokes. Most of the young guys, 18 to 30 are here due to motorbike accidents. Most woman 40+ are here from 'simple' falls.
I am now down to one painkiller a day. I have decided to take it at night as the pain at night is quite intense at times. The arm can not find comfort.
I need to be home. This back and forth is too much for all of us. The girls are confused, and at times so are we. I turn to Louise Hay for inspiration. I try and still the mind. Try and seek the positive thoughts. In the end I find myself here writing. It really helps me release these feelings and thoughts.
I know that tomorrow will be a new day, filled with lots of goodies. But in the meantime, I think I am just gonna let myself feel what I am feeling.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
September 16th - soon!
What an interesting week this has been. My roommate left on Monday and they put another young woman with me that has been here for a few weeks and left on Wednessday. Well the days we shared a room were a nightmare to say the least! Put it this way, there is a reason that in the weeks she was here we never said more than good morning to each other! Inconsiderate must be her middle name. I was really missing Tova, my previous roomie!!
Anyway, she left and a new lady arrived. Her name is Wafa and she speaks arabic with very little understanding of hebrew. So this is interesting. She talks away to me in arabic and with hand gestures and guess work, I understand that she lives with her parents and 4 children. She fell at home and had an op on her leg. She is quite stubborn and will not take a wheelchair. Instead she has a walker and hops around at a snails pace. Things are very very quiet in our room. I thought my previous roomie exagerated with showring at 6 in the morning, until I heard Wafa saying good morning and off she went to the shower at 5:30!
There was lots of action at breakfast today. A fellow wheeler was told yesterday that his medical fund are not going to continue to pay for him to stay here and they want to move him to a more permanent home. He refused to go and told the doctors that they are rubbish and apparently there were a few threats involved too. Anyway, the police arrived and almost removed him by force. Not sure what the decision is, but he is still here and there is security posted outside the doctors rooms.....just like the movies! It sure takes ones mind off the pain for a while.
Anyway, back to my situation. So it looks like I will be going home October 5th. I will go home this weekend and part of sukkot and then continue therapy at a center in Rishin Lezion. I am walking quite well. The ankel is still a bit swollen and bruised. The arm is still very stiff, but we are working on it all the time. I try all the time to close my eyes and picture my elbow flexable. To see my wrist and hand working as it should. I am doing a lot of additional excercises to strengthen the muscles in my arm and wrist area. I will get there for sure. the surgeon, who I met this week, basicaly told me that there is a solution for every problem and there is no need to worry. Funny thing is, I have not been worried about it. I have this feeling deep down in my stomach that just knows that my physical state will return to normal soon.
Wondering when the training for the triathlon should start............
Anyway, she left and a new lady arrived. Her name is Wafa and she speaks arabic with very little understanding of hebrew. So this is interesting. She talks away to me in arabic and with hand gestures and guess work, I understand that she lives with her parents and 4 children. She fell at home and had an op on her leg. She is quite stubborn and will not take a wheelchair. Instead she has a walker and hops around at a snails pace. Things are very very quiet in our room. I thought my previous roomie exagerated with showring at 6 in the morning, until I heard Wafa saying good morning and off she went to the shower at 5:30!
There was lots of action at breakfast today. A fellow wheeler was told yesterday that his medical fund are not going to continue to pay for him to stay here and they want to move him to a more permanent home. He refused to go and told the doctors that they are rubbish and apparently there were a few threats involved too. Anyway, the police arrived and almost removed him by force. Not sure what the decision is, but he is still here and there is security posted outside the doctors rooms.....just like the movies! It sure takes ones mind off the pain for a while.
Anyway, back to my situation. So it looks like I will be going home October 5th. I will go home this weekend and part of sukkot and then continue therapy at a center in Rishin Lezion. I am walking quite well. The ankel is still a bit swollen and bruised. The arm is still very stiff, but we are working on it all the time. I try all the time to close my eyes and picture my elbow flexable. To see my wrist and hand working as it should. I am doing a lot of additional excercises to strengthen the muscles in my arm and wrist area. I will get there for sure. the surgeon, who I met this week, basicaly told me that there is a solution for every problem and there is no need to worry. Funny thing is, I have not been worried about it. I have this feeling deep down in my stomach that just knows that my physical state will return to normal soon.
Wondering when the training for the triathlon should start............
Sunday, September 12, 2010
September 12th - a taste of WOW!
What a great chag, what a great weekend!! I was determined to make it home for the chag and make it home I did! How wonderful to be able to be with Mark and the kids in a normal environment. To be able to cut up some veggies for the kids, to make a humous sandwich, to fold the washing (well sort of), to go to the loo with kids hanging onto me. To eat amazing food (Mark can cook food to die for), and finally to sleep in my own bed! WOW, WOW, WOW!!!
It was a bit unsettling for the kids though. They did not understand how long I was there for and if I might disappear in the middle of the night. Mark was the one to console the kids and explain that when it is time for ima to go back to the hospital, they will come with and say goodbye. It is wonderful to see the bond that has been created between Mark and the kids.
On the way to the hospital, my stomach starts to turn. How can I now leave all that is important to me and real to me and go back to the world of broken people? The reality is, it is for my own longterm good - or so I try and convince myself.
Anyway, it is now 4 days that I have not sat in the wheelchair. I am determined that way. When I set my mind to something, there is no going back. It leads me to think of the progress I have made and the the stages I have been through. When I first arrived here, it was my determination that made me get up and out of bed to go to the loo. The bedpans were a thing that would remain with the hospital - not rehab. Now it is that same determination that keeps me walking, and walking well.
A while ago, I told my physiotherapist that as soon as I start walking, I will be thinking of running the next week. She was so shocked that it took me only a few days to walk and manage the stairs, that she said she now believes me and will probably see me running in no time!
I am now spending all my energy and time on my elbow and the nerve damage. Tomorrow is my first visit with the surgeon. We are all waiting for instructions from him to start to put pressure on the elbow to stretch the arm open and fold the arm. It is funny that although the EMG test on my nerve was not good at all, it does not bother me at all. I somehow know that the arm will be fine and the nerve will heal. So the tests are more for the doctors than for me.
The muscles in the arm are all gone. It is quite frightening to think that after not using the arm for 7 odd weeks, the muscles just simply vanish. I have now decided to eat only with my right hand. It is not easy, but wonderful for the diet. I eat very slowly, as it takes forever for the food to reach the mouth. Also, the arm gets very tired after a few bites and needs to rest. I tell you i should think of making a device thats limits the usage of the arm and hand for ordinary people wanting to diet!
In the late afternoon I go back to the physio room to do extra excercises. I tackle the bicycle. I cycle for 20 minutes, 2.8 kms. I was finished afterwards. But it feels great! Tomorrow Marina will show me how to use the hand bicycle. I think that will be good for the arm. When I walk, I carry, in my injured hand, a small bottle of water, with maybe 300ml of water. You have no idea how heavy it is for the arm. I feel the muscles working non-stop. It is as if I am carrying 5kgs in one hand.
The important thing is, I have the mental strength. With mental strength, all is possible and do-able. I see it everyday. The people that feel sorry for themselves for longer than the inital few days of shock, simply do not make the progress that the positive people do.
Be postive, be strong, and you can conquer your world!!
It was a bit unsettling for the kids though. They did not understand how long I was there for and if I might disappear in the middle of the night. Mark was the one to console the kids and explain that when it is time for ima to go back to the hospital, they will come with and say goodbye. It is wonderful to see the bond that has been created between Mark and the kids.
On the way to the hospital, my stomach starts to turn. How can I now leave all that is important to me and real to me and go back to the world of broken people? The reality is, it is for my own longterm good - or so I try and convince myself.
Anyway, it is now 4 days that I have not sat in the wheelchair. I am determined that way. When I set my mind to something, there is no going back. It leads me to think of the progress I have made and the the stages I have been through. When I first arrived here, it was my determination that made me get up and out of bed to go to the loo. The bedpans were a thing that would remain with the hospital - not rehab. Now it is that same determination that keeps me walking, and walking well.
A while ago, I told my physiotherapist that as soon as I start walking, I will be thinking of running the next week. She was so shocked that it took me only a few days to walk and manage the stairs, that she said she now believes me and will probably see me running in no time!
I am now spending all my energy and time on my elbow and the nerve damage. Tomorrow is my first visit with the surgeon. We are all waiting for instructions from him to start to put pressure on the elbow to stretch the arm open and fold the arm. It is funny that although the EMG test on my nerve was not good at all, it does not bother me at all. I somehow know that the arm will be fine and the nerve will heal. So the tests are more for the doctors than for me.
The muscles in the arm are all gone. It is quite frightening to think that after not using the arm for 7 odd weeks, the muscles just simply vanish. I have now decided to eat only with my right hand. It is not easy, but wonderful for the diet. I eat very slowly, as it takes forever for the food to reach the mouth. Also, the arm gets very tired after a few bites and needs to rest. I tell you i should think of making a device thats limits the usage of the arm and hand for ordinary people wanting to diet!
In the late afternoon I go back to the physio room to do extra excercises. I tackle the bicycle. I cycle for 20 minutes, 2.8 kms. I was finished afterwards. But it feels great! Tomorrow Marina will show me how to use the hand bicycle. I think that will be good for the arm. When I walk, I carry, in my injured hand, a small bottle of water, with maybe 300ml of water. You have no idea how heavy it is for the arm. I feel the muscles working non-stop. It is as if I am carrying 5kgs in one hand.
The important thing is, I have the mental strength. With mental strength, all is possible and do-able. I see it everyday. The people that feel sorry for themselves for longer than the inital few days of shock, simply do not make the progress that the positive people do.
Be postive, be strong, and you can conquer your world!!
Monday, September 6, 2010
September 6th - Celebrations!
If one sits down and really thinks about it, there is so much to celebrate each and every day. I am certainly in the mood for celebrating! Just for the simple fact that I am alive today! I am here to breath, feel, taste, see and touch! This is besides the fact that I am truely blessed in my life. I always have been. I had a wonderful childhood. Happy home, great parents, 2 amazing sisters and all the sparkles that go with it! My adult life has too been filled with blessings. I have a wonderful partner in Mark - a partner in body and spirit alike. Two sweet angel girls. Family and friends near and far that truely care for me and love me.
It is true that at the moment my physical state is not at it's stongest, but mentally and spiritually, I feel stronger every day! I believe that the physical issues were sent to me as a sign that one needs to stop in life and not only to smell the roses, but one should also stop to plant the seed, water it gently and sit by and watch the bud blossom into a beautiful rose. Life is a process, as is everything we experience. I need to take the time to nurture my life and the loved ones in it. What really is the point to keep running on that treadmill that goes nowhere?
Tonight my fellow wheelers organized a party. We all chipped in and they organized a singer, food, drink - the works. It was great to see all these different people, from all walks of life, brought together by each person's individual physical condition. It may take 2 of us to open a bottle of soda, but in the end it is the smiles on everyones faces that really matter. What an interesting experience this has been for me!
I am also celebrating the fact that yesterday the cast on the leg came off. Today I walked with some special boot. I really did well! If I could have patted myself on the back I would have! Marina, my physio, was so impressed. That of course made me feel that tomorrow I would be running! Tomorrow I will be walking with an ankle air cast. It is a strange looking device that has to fit on the sides of the ankle and also in the shoe. The ankles are still a bit swollen and bruised, but I feel great!!
I was also very pleased to hear today that the guy who fell out of the belcony and was paralized, had feelings in his toes and chest area! To see him smile and tell me that he will walk again for sure, makes me love life even more.
One of the new ladies tells me that she doesn't like going to art because there are some people there that are in very difficult conditionds ( a lot of mental problems together with physical). I tell her they are the reason I like to go there - to thank God every day for what I have - even the broken bones. Life may not be 100% perfect, but it is always worth celebrating!!
It is true that at the moment my physical state is not at it's stongest, but mentally and spiritually, I feel stronger every day! I believe that the physical issues were sent to me as a sign that one needs to stop in life and not only to smell the roses, but one should also stop to plant the seed, water it gently and sit by and watch the bud blossom into a beautiful rose. Life is a process, as is everything we experience. I need to take the time to nurture my life and the loved ones in it. What really is the point to keep running on that treadmill that goes nowhere?
Tonight my fellow wheelers organized a party. We all chipped in and they organized a singer, food, drink - the works. It was great to see all these different people, from all walks of life, brought together by each person's individual physical condition. It may take 2 of us to open a bottle of soda, but in the end it is the smiles on everyones faces that really matter. What an interesting experience this has been for me!
I am also celebrating the fact that yesterday the cast on the leg came off. Today I walked with some special boot. I really did well! If I could have patted myself on the back I would have! Marina, my physio, was so impressed. That of course made me feel that tomorrow I would be running! Tomorrow I will be walking with an ankle air cast. It is a strange looking device that has to fit on the sides of the ankle and also in the shoe. The ankles are still a bit swollen and bruised, but I feel great!!
I was also very pleased to hear today that the guy who fell out of the belcony and was paralized, had feelings in his toes and chest area! To see him smile and tell me that he will walk again for sure, makes me love life even more.
One of the new ladies tells me that she doesn't like going to art because there are some people there that are in very difficult conditionds ( a lot of mental problems together with physical). I tell her they are the reason I like to go there - to thank God every day for what I have - even the broken bones. Life may not be 100% perfect, but it is always worth celebrating!!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
August 31st - People and pain
So the real pain has now begun. Since the cast has been off the arm, 5 days now, all the focus is now on getting the arm and hand to function as it should. What does this mean? Lots and lots of stretching, pulling, twisting, bending and PAIN. Today, Marina at physio nearly killed me. I almost saw stars if the truth be told. I have never wished for time to speed up as I did today.
My wish for the day was to fast forward to the end of September. What would we miss out on anyway: school strikes, all the holidays that involve overeating and no eating, the completion of our renovation and moving (again), and most importantly, lots of pain! But, in case my wish is not granted, I willl continue to breath deep and picture myself throwing that ball with ease.....
Anyway, this week 4 of my fellow wheelers are going home. 4 lovely ladies. All with different problems and different family situations. 2 will be walking out on 2 legs a piece and the other 2 continue their road in their fight against cancer. I must admit that the people that have arrived lately are not my type, and that drives me to get home sooner than later. There is a guy here who lost 40kgs and had an op on his stomach and colon so he won't put the weight on again. To say that I dislike this guy would be an understatement! As luck would have it, he is in the room across from me and does not stop talking. The type that has to be the center of attention, has an opinion about everything and everyone. In short a real pain in the ass -fat or thin!!
My physio tells me that she heard that I have 2 lovely girls that look like little angels!! She tells me that Mariana spoke about them for quite some time today during their session. Mariana is a Russian lady that sticks to herself. I believe she is semi-paralized from the waist down and also does not have full usage of her hands. She is in an elecric wheelchair and has been here for nearly 2 years. 2 years!! She was one of the Russian tourists on the bus going from the airport in the south, to Eilat. The bus was in an accident. I remember the story well. Apparently she does not want to go home to Russia and is 'happy' here. One can only wonder how things were for her in Russia if she prefers to live in a rehab center. Anyway, she tells the physio that she feels good when she sees my girls. It is like looking at 2 angels she says. The moral of the story is, never under-estimate your presence. We are each in our own way powerfull beings making a difference in someones life.
I miss Mark so much. All of our visits are focused around the kids. I miss my partner, my love, my star....I just miss him. We both know that it is only a matter of time until we have 'us' back again, but it is so hard at times....It is funny that at the start of all this, I was so worried about the girls. It turns out that I did not need to worry at all. The girls are doing great with their Aba. We have switched roles.My word is not worth so much any more. They turn to their aba for the final word, or for approval. I am quite enjoying it.
Tomorrow is the start of gan for both girls (and Mark). Eden is full time from day 1 and Kylee is in stages. I am sure they will both do well.
Sunday the cast comes off the leg (I hope). Eden asked me if I would be home for Hannuka. I promised her that I would be home to build a succah! Now I gotta check the calender to see when Succot is!
My wish for the day was to fast forward to the end of September. What would we miss out on anyway: school strikes, all the holidays that involve overeating and no eating, the completion of our renovation and moving (again), and most importantly, lots of pain! But, in case my wish is not granted, I willl continue to breath deep and picture myself throwing that ball with ease.....
Anyway, this week 4 of my fellow wheelers are going home. 4 lovely ladies. All with different problems and different family situations. 2 will be walking out on 2 legs a piece and the other 2 continue their road in their fight against cancer. I must admit that the people that have arrived lately are not my type, and that drives me to get home sooner than later. There is a guy here who lost 40kgs and had an op on his stomach and colon so he won't put the weight on again. To say that I dislike this guy would be an understatement! As luck would have it, he is in the room across from me and does not stop talking. The type that has to be the center of attention, has an opinion about everything and everyone. In short a real pain in the ass -fat or thin!!
My physio tells me that she heard that I have 2 lovely girls that look like little angels!! She tells me that Mariana spoke about them for quite some time today during their session. Mariana is a Russian lady that sticks to herself. I believe she is semi-paralized from the waist down and also does not have full usage of her hands. She is in an elecric wheelchair and has been here for nearly 2 years. 2 years!! She was one of the Russian tourists on the bus going from the airport in the south, to Eilat. The bus was in an accident. I remember the story well. Apparently she does not want to go home to Russia and is 'happy' here. One can only wonder how things were for her in Russia if she prefers to live in a rehab center. Anyway, she tells the physio that she feels good when she sees my girls. It is like looking at 2 angels she says. The moral of the story is, never under-estimate your presence. We are each in our own way powerfull beings making a difference in someones life.
I miss Mark so much. All of our visits are focused around the kids. I miss my partner, my love, my star....I just miss him. We both know that it is only a matter of time until we have 'us' back again, but it is so hard at times....It is funny that at the start of all this, I was so worried about the girls. It turns out that I did not need to worry at all. The girls are doing great with their Aba. We have switched roles.My word is not worth so much any more. They turn to their aba for the final word, or for approval. I am quite enjoying it.
Tomorrow is the start of gan for both girls (and Mark). Eden is full time from day 1 and Kylee is in stages. I am sure they will both do well.
Sunday the cast comes off the leg (I hope). Eden asked me if I would be home for Hannuka. I promised her that I would be home to build a succah! Now I gotta check the calender to see when Succot is!
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