So the real pain has now begun. Since the cast has been off the arm, 5 days now, all the focus is now on getting the arm and hand to function as it should. What does this mean? Lots and lots of stretching, pulling, twisting, bending and PAIN. Today, Marina at physio nearly killed me. I almost saw stars if the truth be told. I have never wished for time to speed up as I did today.
My wish for the day was to fast forward to the end of September. What would we miss out on anyway: school strikes, all the holidays that involve overeating and no eating, the completion of our renovation and moving (again), and most importantly, lots of pain! But, in case my wish is not granted, I willl continue to breath deep and picture myself throwing that ball with ease.....
Anyway, this week 4 of my fellow wheelers are going home. 4 lovely ladies. All with different problems and different family situations. 2 will be walking out on 2 legs a piece and the other 2 continue their road in their fight against cancer. I must admit that the people that have arrived lately are not my type, and that drives me to get home sooner than later. There is a guy here who lost 40kgs and had an op on his stomach and colon so he won't put the weight on again. To say that I dislike this guy would be an understatement! As luck would have it, he is in the room across from me and does not stop talking. The type that has to be the center of attention, has an opinion about everything and everyone. In short a real pain in the ass -fat or thin!!
My physio tells me that she heard that I have 2 lovely girls that look like little angels!! She tells me that Mariana spoke about them for quite some time today during their session. Mariana is a Russian lady that sticks to herself. I believe she is semi-paralized from the waist down and also does not have full usage of her hands. She is in an elecric wheelchair and has been here for nearly 2 years. 2 years!! She was one of the Russian tourists on the bus going from the airport in the south, to Eilat. The bus was in an accident. I remember the story well. Apparently she does not want to go home to Russia and is 'happy' here. One can only wonder how things were for her in Russia if she prefers to live in a rehab center. Anyway, she tells the physio that she feels good when she sees my girls. It is like looking at 2 angels she says. The moral of the story is, never under-estimate your presence. We are each in our own way powerfull beings making a difference in someones life.
I miss Mark so much. All of our visits are focused around the kids. I miss my partner, my love, my star....I just miss him. We both know that it is only a matter of time until we have 'us' back again, but it is so hard at times....It is funny that at the start of all this, I was so worried about the girls. It turns out that I did not need to worry at all. The girls are doing great with their Aba. We have switched roles.My word is not worth so much any more. They turn to their aba for the final word, or for approval. I am quite enjoying it.
Tomorrow is the start of gan for both girls (and Mark). Eden is full time from day 1 and Kylee is in stages. I am sure they will both do well.
Sunday the cast comes off the leg (I hope). Eden asked me if I would be home for Hannuka. I promised her that I would be home to build a succah! Now I gotta check the calender to see when Succot is!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
August 27th - five weeks down.....
Five whole weeks since the accident....But who's counting? I would much rather count the days until I walk again, until the elbow is healed, until the nerve is healed, and most importantly, until I go home. But as I have no idea when any of this will happen, I will continue to count the weeks since the accident.
So the big news of the week is, yesterday I went to the hospital for xrays. Things are looking good. The doctor said I really did as good job of things on my elbow. Doesn't he know that I only do things 100% to the very end! No half measures!! Anyway, he took the cast off the arm and now I have to start trying to gain movement. The leg will remain in a cast for about another 10 days. So all in all things are moving ahead.
So I had my first physio session on my arm- pain, pain, pain is all I can say. She tells me that now all our sessions will be on the arm, and that I must carry on doing leg excercises on my own. And oh, also that I must take pain killers before our physio sessions, as it's gonna hurt.....
It is a good thing that I can feel the pain really. There are many in a situation that they don't feel anythiug...so I am doing well really.
Earlier today, Mark dropped the girls here for a few hours. It was great. They kept me very busy. Sandra also came by, so the kids entertained us both. Like a wave crushing down, all of a sudden I was tired - exhausted. Mark took the kids home and I slept for a few hours.
Tonight at dinner, I sit with Darrel, the guy that fell from the balcony and is now paralyzed. Although he is trying to stay positive. So Darrel tells me that he decided to get rid of all negative energy, and phoned up anyone and everyone that the had arguments with and no longer speaks to. He said it was an amazing feeling to make peace with everyone and is so sorry that he never did it years ago. He is so right. When we get angry with someone, we are the only ones it affects. The anger is a negative energy that weakens us. Strength comes from peace, kindness and understanding.
I also get to meet his father. His father is British. They made aliya in the 50s. He tells me of his life as a young boy when the war broke out. He was 10 and his brother was 7. They were both sent away, out of London for a few years. Their parents were only reunited with them a few years later. Anyway, his brother still lives in England and the two of them go travelling a few times a year. They plan to do a world trip in 2012 - he is 83 and his brother 80. Good for them. He says he can only travel for 40 days at a time cause the travel insurance won't cover more than that at his age. He makes me smile! Anyway, he tells his son that everything is in our minds. He has brought his son's shoes, which are next to the bed, and tells his son to picture himself putting on the shoes and walking. It is all in our minds.
SoI think I will continue with my visualisation, and picture myself running, picking up a ball with my right hand, and throwing the ball. I do it all with ease of course.....
Mark and I also realized something spookey this week. About a month before my accident, Mark slipped and cut his right arm and had a few stitches. He slipped in the same place that I fell in the house, and he and I now have matching scars in a v shape on the exact same place on our right arms. Soul mates or what???
So the big news of the week is, yesterday I went to the hospital for xrays. Things are looking good. The doctor said I really did as good job of things on my elbow. Doesn't he know that I only do things 100% to the very end! No half measures!! Anyway, he took the cast off the arm and now I have to start trying to gain movement. The leg will remain in a cast for about another 10 days. So all in all things are moving ahead.
So I had my first physio session on my arm- pain, pain, pain is all I can say. She tells me that now all our sessions will be on the arm, and that I must carry on doing leg excercises on my own. And oh, also that I must take pain killers before our physio sessions, as it's gonna hurt.....
It is a good thing that I can feel the pain really. There are many in a situation that they don't feel anythiug...so I am doing well really.
Earlier today, Mark dropped the girls here for a few hours. It was great. They kept me very busy. Sandra also came by, so the kids entertained us both. Like a wave crushing down, all of a sudden I was tired - exhausted. Mark took the kids home and I slept for a few hours.
Tonight at dinner, I sit with Darrel, the guy that fell from the balcony and is now paralyzed. Although he is trying to stay positive. So Darrel tells me that he decided to get rid of all negative energy, and phoned up anyone and everyone that the had arguments with and no longer speaks to. He said it was an amazing feeling to make peace with everyone and is so sorry that he never did it years ago. He is so right. When we get angry with someone, we are the only ones it affects. The anger is a negative energy that weakens us. Strength comes from peace, kindness and understanding.
I also get to meet his father. His father is British. They made aliya in the 50s. He tells me of his life as a young boy when the war broke out. He was 10 and his brother was 7. They were both sent away, out of London for a few years. Their parents were only reunited with them a few years later. Anyway, his brother still lives in England and the two of them go travelling a few times a year. They plan to do a world trip in 2012 - he is 83 and his brother 80. Good for them. He says he can only travel for 40 days at a time cause the travel insurance won't cover more than that at his age. He makes me smile! Anyway, he tells his son that everything is in our minds. He has brought his son's shoes, which are next to the bed, and tells his son to picture himself putting on the shoes and walking. It is all in our minds.
SoI think I will continue with my visualisation, and picture myself running, picking up a ball with my right hand, and throwing the ball. I do it all with ease of course.....
Mark and I also realized something spookey this week. About a month before my accident, Mark slipped and cut his right arm and had a few stitches. He slipped in the same place that I fell in the house, and he and I now have matching scars in a v shape on the exact same place on our right arms. Soul mates or what???
Sunday, August 22, 2010
August 21st - it's the weekend!
So today 4 weeks ago is when the ladder & I decided to do our dance. That means that the leg should be coming along and 6 weeks will be up soon and then hopefully I can start to walk again. I am hoping for good things Thursday when they xray the leg.
So since my experement a few nights ago with the pills, I decided to stick with what they are giving me, cause I am sleeping like a baby. Not like my babies though, cause they are non-sleepers. Although Mark tells me that they are sleeping through the night most nights now. Which leaves me believing that Mark was right when he would tell me to go sleep at my sisters for a weekend and he would have the girls sleeping like a charm. Have I been the problem all along? Just maybe............
Anyway, this weekend i tell them not to wake me in the morning and I will deal with the shower on my own. I have plenty of time on the weekends, so no need to rush. I manage to wrap the leg and the arm in plastic, manage to get the shower wheelchair & will now shower when it is good for me and not when the staff want me to. What a wonderful feeling - more independence!
I have been making an effort to use my right hand as much as I can in order to remind the brain that the right hand is the dominent hand and not the left. The hand is feeling much better. I mean not in the sense that the nerve is better, and it now functions as it should, but when it is active, i think the swelling goes down a bit and the blood flow is better. I am even using it a bit now when I type.
The skin on my hand and my foot is odd. It feels like the hand of someone else really. No matter how many times a day I put cream on, the skin feels odd and is always dry, especially on the pointer finger where I had the stitchers.
It is very quiet this weekend. Most wheelers have gone home for the weekend. I like the quiet. I have always been one that likes my own company and can be very happy to spend hours with just me and my thoughts. Lucky for me that I am like that being in this place.
August 22nd - So another week has begun. Yesterday was great. Great to get out and about and see the world again. I manage the ride in the car well and spend some wonderful time with great friends and family! It is very hard to come back to rehab. Kylee is hysterical in the car when it is time for goodbyes. It is just awful!! I feel like a bad mother, not being able to comfort her and provide her with what she needs. The most unthinkable happens. Eden, the 4 year old big sister, like she was reading my mind, takes over the role of mother. She tries to comfort her and tells her not to cry and Ima can't come home now and that they will come and visit me again soon. She even asks Kylee if she wants to see Nini (Janine), who Kylee is mad about. My pain over Kylee turns to pure 110% love and admiration for Eden! What beautiful angels they are.
Today Shir spends the day with me. We spend a nice day together in between therapy. Today I am feeling quite good indeed. Very positive and strong in general.
Mark is very stressed. Not sure what I can do to help him...
I am quite tired tonight. I think I will have an early night.
So since my experement a few nights ago with the pills, I decided to stick with what they are giving me, cause I am sleeping like a baby. Not like my babies though, cause they are non-sleepers. Although Mark tells me that they are sleeping through the night most nights now. Which leaves me believing that Mark was right when he would tell me to go sleep at my sisters for a weekend and he would have the girls sleeping like a charm. Have I been the problem all along? Just maybe............
Anyway, this weekend i tell them not to wake me in the morning and I will deal with the shower on my own. I have plenty of time on the weekends, so no need to rush. I manage to wrap the leg and the arm in plastic, manage to get the shower wheelchair & will now shower when it is good for me and not when the staff want me to. What a wonderful feeling - more independence!
I have been making an effort to use my right hand as much as I can in order to remind the brain that the right hand is the dominent hand and not the left. The hand is feeling much better. I mean not in the sense that the nerve is better, and it now functions as it should, but when it is active, i think the swelling goes down a bit and the blood flow is better. I am even using it a bit now when I type.
The skin on my hand and my foot is odd. It feels like the hand of someone else really. No matter how many times a day I put cream on, the skin feels odd and is always dry, especially on the pointer finger where I had the stitchers.
It is very quiet this weekend. Most wheelers have gone home for the weekend. I like the quiet. I have always been one that likes my own company and can be very happy to spend hours with just me and my thoughts. Lucky for me that I am like that being in this place.
August 22nd - So another week has begun. Yesterday was great. Great to get out and about and see the world again. I manage the ride in the car well and spend some wonderful time with great friends and family! It is very hard to come back to rehab. Kylee is hysterical in the car when it is time for goodbyes. It is just awful!! I feel like a bad mother, not being able to comfort her and provide her with what she needs. The most unthinkable happens. Eden, the 4 year old big sister, like she was reading my mind, takes over the role of mother. She tries to comfort her and tells her not to cry and Ima can't come home now and that they will come and visit me again soon. She even asks Kylee if she wants to see Nini (Janine), who Kylee is mad about. My pain over Kylee turns to pure 110% love and admiration for Eden! What beautiful angels they are.
Today Shir spends the day with me. We spend a nice day together in between therapy. Today I am feeling quite good indeed. Very positive and strong in general.
Mark is very stressed. Not sure what I can do to help him...
I am quite tired tonight. I think I will have an early night.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
August 18th & 19th - no jokes
So last night I decide not to take any pills - no pain killers and no sleeping pills. So of course I don't sleep much - wake every hour on the hour. BUT, no pain! The doctor points out that the effect of the pills may still be in my system and adds that now is not the time to play with the pills as it is too early. I am not totally convinced and will decide what to do later today.
The day is slow and hot. At OT, she now wants me to use my right hand as much as I can. As the right hand is the dominent hand, we need to keep it that way. So the idea now is to use the hand for everyday things as I used to. I automatically now use the left hand. Writing is the hardest part. It looks like the writing of a 5 year old. It depresses me somewhat.
My roommate has now got permission to put pressure on her leg and walk with a walker. I am very happy for her, but she is full of fear. This weekend is the first time she is going home - in 2 months. I hope when she comes back, she will now pee straight!! Seriously, I thought it was the 2 guys we share a bathroom with that were peeing on the seat...Turns out to be my roomie!! No jokes!
On a more serious note, I would be kidding myself if I said that I had never thought about life if the nerve never gets back to what it was, and I am left with a half functioning hand.....So many questions....Will I ever be able to lift up my kids again? will I ever be able to throw a ball again, write a check again, tie my laces again......etc.etc.etc.....
I decide to take the full dose of pills - sleeping and pain killers.
I have a good night - only wake twice. I feel so much better after I sleep well. At OT this morning, we head to the kitchen. They have a sample apartment set out with how it should look to help recovery and dealing with everyday life. My task is to cut up veggies for a salad, using my right hand. I manage very well. Both in how I do it and the time it takes. Bina is very surprised and so am I. she gives my shirts with buttons to close and open, zips to zip and press studs to press. I manage it all with ease. Very good morning indeed.
Spend the rest of the morning dealing with trying to get form 17 from maccabi for the xrays and visit next week to the hospital - a wonderful taste of real life!
Today 2 people are leaving. Mira will be an out patient, and Orna who has delayed her release twice before, will now have to deal with it. My girls will miss Mira, as she gives them cookies and juice every time they come.
I am going out on Saturday to Debbie & JK. Will be good to get out of here and be with family and friends in a normal environment.
Lunch is calling......
The day is slow and hot. At OT, she now wants me to use my right hand as much as I can. As the right hand is the dominent hand, we need to keep it that way. So the idea now is to use the hand for everyday things as I used to. I automatically now use the left hand. Writing is the hardest part. It looks like the writing of a 5 year old. It depresses me somewhat.
My roommate has now got permission to put pressure on her leg and walk with a walker. I am very happy for her, but she is full of fear. This weekend is the first time she is going home - in 2 months. I hope when she comes back, she will now pee straight!! Seriously, I thought it was the 2 guys we share a bathroom with that were peeing on the seat...Turns out to be my roomie!! No jokes!
On a more serious note, I would be kidding myself if I said that I had never thought about life if the nerve never gets back to what it was, and I am left with a half functioning hand.....So many questions....Will I ever be able to lift up my kids again? will I ever be able to throw a ball again, write a check again, tie my laces again......etc.etc.etc.....
I decide to take the full dose of pills - sleeping and pain killers.
I have a good night - only wake twice. I feel so much better after I sleep well. At OT this morning, we head to the kitchen. They have a sample apartment set out with how it should look to help recovery and dealing with everyday life. My task is to cut up veggies for a salad, using my right hand. I manage very well. Both in how I do it and the time it takes. Bina is very surprised and so am I. she gives my shirts with buttons to close and open, zips to zip and press studs to press. I manage it all with ease. Very good morning indeed.
Spend the rest of the morning dealing with trying to get form 17 from maccabi for the xrays and visit next week to the hospital - a wonderful taste of real life!
Today 2 people are leaving. Mira will be an out patient, and Orna who has delayed her release twice before, will now have to deal with it. My girls will miss Mira, as she gives them cookies and juice every time they come.
I am going out on Saturday to Debbie & JK. Will be good to get out of here and be with family and friends in a normal environment.
Lunch is calling......
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
August 17th - OMG!!!!
It's been a while since I last wrote. Just have not been in the mood for writting. I was so involved with some old Sydney Sheldon book I found here - great to be reading again (especially since it is not baby books).
So the 'OMG' in the title is because I went down to the entrance to say goodbye to Mark & the girls and on my way back to the elevator, some lady in a wheelchair almost attacked me! She would not let me pass and was shouting at me at how she wished she had just a cast on her legs like me. She went on and on about how her whole body was broken and is now full of rods and plates keeping her together. She then started screaming at me! Saying that she will never walk again and I will and it is not right. I swear that if she could have jumped up she would have ripped my limbs off!! Poor thing. But gee whiz - poor me!!!!
Anyway, the point is, it is like I always say, there are pretty nice people and pretty horrible people, there are fat nice people and fat not so nice people, and apparently, some nice people in wheelchairs, and some nut cases! The situation one is in, or the things that a person goes through, does not make a person nice or not. The character is what it is, and seldom changes no matter what.
One thing that has amazed me is the support that I have had. So many friends, old and new have called and come to visit. It warms the heart to know that so many people think of me and care about me, Mark and the girls. Thanks so much to each and every one of you!!!
The other night I sat on the balcony talking to this new guy that arrived. Some of the my fellow wheelers wondered why I was talking to him, as they already classified him as a junkie and not 'our kind'. Anyway, we had an amazing conversation. He is only 53, but looks much older. He tells me of his childhood growing up in Jaffa, where all the jews and arabs lived with each other. They were neighbours with no problems at all. He thinks it all changed when the mafia got involved in the community,cause that brought the police, which brought resentment that just snowballed. He also seemed quite calm about his medical condition. He has been in hospital for a month - op on his hips and leg. He tells me that his troubles started 20 years ago and that this was his 7th op. He calmly tells me that he told the doctors to take the leg off as it would be better for him. He sees the shock on my face and explains that it is only a leg not a life. He would still see his grandkids and family and probably suffer less. Kind of puts things in proportion.
I love my time with Mark and the kids. On one hand I wait for the girls to come and on the other hand don't want them to come and see all these broken people. Today Eden spotted a man in a wheelchair with one leg. So of course she wants to know why he only has one leg. I try and think quick so she wi ll not have nightmares about it. I just tell her that he is going to get a new leg made of plastic and then he will be walking again like new. I think, she kind of accepted it. Kylee today was just not prepared to say goodbye to Ima. She just kept shouting that I must come with them. Just stab my heart and twist it several times why don't you!
I got Mark to bring me one of his sleeping t-shirts that he has worn a few times, just so I can have him near to me whenever I want! It makes a huge difference to me!!
The last few nights I have been taking half a sleeping pill and am not sure if I need it at all, but will continue until next week. The good news is that I have an appointment next Thursday at the hospital for my leg and will try and squeeze the arm into the picture too.
Physio is good. I am using muscles I haven't used in a while and she pushes me, so that is good. At OT, I had a session with the head of the department today. She thinks that I am doing well. I think that the first criteria needed to get a job in this department is how big you can smile and make the color black look wonderful and bright! Great ladies indeed!
The other night I find myself talking with Iris. She is a nice lady, that is a bit closed. But this night she opens up to me and we talk about the meaning of life and all and how one should never build walls around ourselves to protect us from whatever emotion we are afraid to feel. We talk forever, and she thanks me so much for helping her. I tell her that there is no such thing as coincedence and we were meant to meet and have this conversation. I truely believe it.
What are the good things that have come out of this accident?
1. Mark is getting to spend some wonderful time with the kids without me interrupting!
2. No housework
3. No shopping
4. No sitting in traffic
5. i am catching up on all my reading
6. No racing and running from here to there
7. Visits from people I have not seen in ages
etc
etc
etc
Finally I was so touched by Eti's visit the other day and thank her for arranging new mazuzot for the house!
So the 'OMG' in the title is because I went down to the entrance to say goodbye to Mark & the girls and on my way back to the elevator, some lady in a wheelchair almost attacked me! She would not let me pass and was shouting at me at how she wished she had just a cast on her legs like me. She went on and on about how her whole body was broken and is now full of rods and plates keeping her together. She then started screaming at me! Saying that she will never walk again and I will and it is not right. I swear that if she could have jumped up she would have ripped my limbs off!! Poor thing. But gee whiz - poor me!!!!
Anyway, the point is, it is like I always say, there are pretty nice people and pretty horrible people, there are fat nice people and fat not so nice people, and apparently, some nice people in wheelchairs, and some nut cases! The situation one is in, or the things that a person goes through, does not make a person nice or not. The character is what it is, and seldom changes no matter what.
One thing that has amazed me is the support that I have had. So many friends, old and new have called and come to visit. It warms the heart to know that so many people think of me and care about me, Mark and the girls. Thanks so much to each and every one of you!!!
The other night I sat on the balcony talking to this new guy that arrived. Some of the my fellow wheelers wondered why I was talking to him, as they already classified him as a junkie and not 'our kind'. Anyway, we had an amazing conversation. He is only 53, but looks much older. He tells me of his childhood growing up in Jaffa, where all the jews and arabs lived with each other. They were neighbours with no problems at all. He thinks it all changed when the mafia got involved in the community,cause that brought the police, which brought resentment that just snowballed. He also seemed quite calm about his medical condition. He has been in hospital for a month - op on his hips and leg. He tells me that his troubles started 20 years ago and that this was his 7th op. He calmly tells me that he told the doctors to take the leg off as it would be better for him. He sees the shock on my face and explains that it is only a leg not a life. He would still see his grandkids and family and probably suffer less. Kind of puts things in proportion.
I love my time with Mark and the kids. On one hand I wait for the girls to come and on the other hand don't want them to come and see all these broken people. Today Eden spotted a man in a wheelchair with one leg. So of course she wants to know why he only has one leg. I try and think quick so she wi ll not have nightmares about it. I just tell her that he is going to get a new leg made of plastic and then he will be walking again like new. I think, she kind of accepted it. Kylee today was just not prepared to say goodbye to Ima. She just kept shouting that I must come with them. Just stab my heart and twist it several times why don't you!
I got Mark to bring me one of his sleeping t-shirts that he has worn a few times, just so I can have him near to me whenever I want! It makes a huge difference to me!!
The last few nights I have been taking half a sleeping pill and am not sure if I need it at all, but will continue until next week. The good news is that I have an appointment next Thursday at the hospital for my leg and will try and squeeze the arm into the picture too.
Physio is good. I am using muscles I haven't used in a while and she pushes me, so that is good. At OT, I had a session with the head of the department today. She thinks that I am doing well. I think that the first criteria needed to get a job in this department is how big you can smile and make the color black look wonderful and bright! Great ladies indeed!
The other night I find myself talking with Iris. She is a nice lady, that is a bit closed. But this night she opens up to me and we talk about the meaning of life and all and how one should never build walls around ourselves to protect us from whatever emotion we are afraid to feel. We talk forever, and she thanks me so much for helping her. I tell her that there is no such thing as coincedence and we were meant to meet and have this conversation. I truely believe it.
What are the good things that have come out of this accident?
1. Mark is getting to spend some wonderful time with the kids without me interrupting!
2. No housework
3. No shopping
4. No sitting in traffic
5. i am catching up on all my reading
6. No racing and running from here to there
7. Visits from people I have not seen in ages
etc
etc
etc
Finally I was so touched by Eti's visit the other day and thank her for arranging new mazuzot for the house!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
August 11th & 12th - Everything is just dandy.....
Tuesday night was sing-a-long with karioki (spelling) night. A group of young guys and girls volunteer with all their equipment and voices to put a smile on the faces of the broken people. It was quite nice to see the mother of Inbal, a 19 year old fellow wheeler, smile, laugh and sing. She (the mother) is usually so intense and never smiles.
The night was ok. The pain now gets intense at around 6 until I take my next pain killer at 8:30. The pain is just in the arm. It kind of feels like the hand is on fire together with a feeling that it is frozen and will fall off in any minute. Drugs drugs and more drugs. Who would have thought that I would be turning into a part-time junkie....
Physio was intense, I was wet after 45 minutes of excercise and stretching.
In the afternoon Janine came to visit with her girls and my girls. I decided that it was time for an outing, instead of the kids having to see all these sick and injured people. I got my permission to leave the building and off we went to the park around the corner. It was such a joy to watch the girls running around and playing - with the help of Steph & Meg. A glimpse of normal life.
Today has been a day of smiles. While I play the waiting game I can either smile or cry. So I choose the former.
August 12th - The pain is bad in the morning, but subsides after 8:30. I sit with a lady, can't remember her name, who loves talking. She has a growth on her spine. She speaks non-stop. It is like watching a movie. I just sit and nod my head and every now and then say, "really, is that so"...It is a wonderful way to pass the time. Before I know it, it is 10:30 and time for art class. Drora helps me with the big decisions of which colors to paint the fairy...I get an sms from Yael: don't eat. I there is such a thing as the sushi fairy, Shirley, Yael and Miri would wear the title well!!!
The afternoon is filled with OT and physio. At OT, Bina gets me to try and write with my injured hand. My hand shakes everytime I put pressure on the pointer finger. It is not a nice experience - I could hardly write my name.
Physio is fine. Marina works with a young girl before me. Marina is quite depressed about this young girl. She had a bad lung infection that got complicated. She was in hospital for months snd can hardly walk now. The worst of it is, her eyes were damaged in some way and the doctors have sown her eyes shut for the time being. Makes me want to cry and never complain again. But reality bites and I will be back moaning about my pain in the arm again soon.
I try and listen to positive power thoughts to change the mood, but to be honest, at the moment, I don't want another person to tell me it will be ok, just have patience....rather talk about the weather, or the price of rice in China!
Tonight the girls are going to sleep at Janine. I hope Mark, who is not feeling well, will get some well deserved rest.
Today it is 2 weeks that I have been here and nearly 3 weeks since the fall.....But no need to count the days when everything is just dandy!
The night was ok. The pain now gets intense at around 6 until I take my next pain killer at 8:30. The pain is just in the arm. It kind of feels like the hand is on fire together with a feeling that it is frozen and will fall off in any minute. Drugs drugs and more drugs. Who would have thought that I would be turning into a part-time junkie....
Physio was intense, I was wet after 45 minutes of excercise and stretching.
In the afternoon Janine came to visit with her girls and my girls. I decided that it was time for an outing, instead of the kids having to see all these sick and injured people. I got my permission to leave the building and off we went to the park around the corner. It was such a joy to watch the girls running around and playing - with the help of Steph & Meg. A glimpse of normal life.
Today has been a day of smiles. While I play the waiting game I can either smile or cry. So I choose the former.
August 12th - The pain is bad in the morning, but subsides after 8:30. I sit with a lady, can't remember her name, who loves talking. She has a growth on her spine. She speaks non-stop. It is like watching a movie. I just sit and nod my head and every now and then say, "really, is that so"...It is a wonderful way to pass the time. Before I know it, it is 10:30 and time for art class. Drora helps me with the big decisions of which colors to paint the fairy...I get an sms from Yael: don't eat. I there is such a thing as the sushi fairy, Shirley, Yael and Miri would wear the title well!!!
The afternoon is filled with OT and physio. At OT, Bina gets me to try and write with my injured hand. My hand shakes everytime I put pressure on the pointer finger. It is not a nice experience - I could hardly write my name.
Physio is fine. Marina works with a young girl before me. Marina is quite depressed about this young girl. She had a bad lung infection that got complicated. She was in hospital for months snd can hardly walk now. The worst of it is, her eyes were damaged in some way and the doctors have sown her eyes shut for the time being. Makes me want to cry and never complain again. But reality bites and I will be back moaning about my pain in the arm again soon.
I try and listen to positive power thoughts to change the mood, but to be honest, at the moment, I don't want another person to tell me it will be ok, just have patience....rather talk about the weather, or the price of rice in China!
Tonight the girls are going to sleep at Janine. I hope Mark, who is not feeling well, will get some well deserved rest.
Today it is 2 weeks that I have been here and nearly 3 weeks since the fall.....But no need to count the days when everything is just dandy!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
August 10th - the simple life
Had a better night. I think the drugs are now settling down in my system and working a bit better + the very important fact that I am feeling stronger and stronger.
I have to remind my physiotherapist, Marina,that i am not a 20 year old dancer with muscles and flexability to match, but am rather an extremely unfit 41 year old couch potato! I swear after our sessions I feel that i have just run a 50km marathon! I guess it is good - a start to me getting fit again. Bring on that triathlon!!!
Had a meeting with the orthopedic doc at the rehab today. I went into a room where a whole team of doctors, OT people and physiotherapists have a kind of round table meeting. To cut it short, he does not want to give any opinion on my arm until the surgeon has seen it. He says it seems to have been a complicated op and he will leave the first opinion to the surgeon. So they will let me know when I am going for a visit. He also said that they should xray the leg and they may be able to change the cast. So time will tell.
At OT I was very pleased to report to Bina that what was hard for me last week, the bottle tops, is now much easier. So today she gives me a tweezer and I have to lift up these little oblong ball thingys and put them on a vertical board. Needless to say, there was much sweat, but I got there. Lets hope next week that too will be easier.
I sat on the balcony to get some sun and one of the nurses helpers came out for a break. A beautiful Etheopian lady. I have never really taken the time to have a proper conversation with an Etheopian Israeli. She has been here since 1989 and on the whole is satisfied. The thing she misses the most is the simple life. Not all this running after material gains. She tells me of the summers they had back home. Their house was not far from the sea. There was no such thing as summer camp for the kids. Everyone would look after each others kids. Their days would be spent in the water with lots of green around and lots of food. The kids never asked for more than that. These are the days that she misses and I feel her longing.
This brings my thoughts to my life and am so thrilled that we live right next to a forest and our girls have and will continue to have a life filled with lots of green!
Thanks so much to all the family and friends that give me positive feedbackon my blog. I write as it is a way of letting it allout, plus to allow my SA family to get a glimpse of the experience.
Love,light and laughter!!
I have to remind my physiotherapist, Marina,that i am not a 20 year old dancer with muscles and flexability to match, but am rather an extremely unfit 41 year old couch potato! I swear after our sessions I feel that i have just run a 50km marathon! I guess it is good - a start to me getting fit again. Bring on that triathlon!!!
Had a meeting with the orthopedic doc at the rehab today. I went into a room where a whole team of doctors, OT people and physiotherapists have a kind of round table meeting. To cut it short, he does not want to give any opinion on my arm until the surgeon has seen it. He says it seems to have been a complicated op and he will leave the first opinion to the surgeon. So they will let me know when I am going for a visit. He also said that they should xray the leg and they may be able to change the cast. So time will tell.
At OT I was very pleased to report to Bina that what was hard for me last week, the bottle tops, is now much easier. So today she gives me a tweezer and I have to lift up these little oblong ball thingys and put them on a vertical board. Needless to say, there was much sweat, but I got there. Lets hope next week that too will be easier.
I sat on the balcony to get some sun and one of the nurses helpers came out for a break. A beautiful Etheopian lady. I have never really taken the time to have a proper conversation with an Etheopian Israeli. She has been here since 1989 and on the whole is satisfied. The thing she misses the most is the simple life. Not all this running after material gains. She tells me of the summers they had back home. Their house was not far from the sea. There was no such thing as summer camp for the kids. Everyone would look after each others kids. Their days would be spent in the water with lots of green around and lots of food. The kids never asked for more than that. These are the days that she misses and I feel her longing.
This brings my thoughts to my life and am so thrilled that we live right next to a forest and our girls have and will continue to have a life filled with lots of green!
Thanks so much to all the family and friends that give me positive feedbackon my blog. I write as it is a way of letting it allout, plus to allow my SA family to get a glimpse of the experience.
Love,light and laughter!!
Monday, August 9, 2010
August 9th - Humble pie
I really like the saying," he had to eat humble pie". Well my slice of humble pie has come my way. Of all the things this experience can and may be, it is certainly a humbling experience.
I was listening to one of those self help positive thinking audio cds, and the subject was the ego. In this place, there is no room nor need for ego. When it comes to the crunch, no matter what age, color or gender, we are all here to heal. All ones energy is focused on the body. When there is excitement and a pat on the back because I can dress myself, there is no ego. I over hear a group of teens talking. Not about the summer, the latest music or the hotest trends, but they were encouraging one of the boys to try and walk on his leg/foot. He was nervous, but they persist and insist. There is no ego there. Esty, takes her first steps on crutchers and gets a round of applause, There is no ego there. At OT, I am now managing to pick up the bottle tops and screw them onto the bottles. I get a pat on the back.
The question is, why in our everyday lives, are we not able to let go of the ego and give each other a pat on the back more often?... I really do not have the answer.
Another thing this experience has revealed, is the impression people have of me. It is encouraging to see that most friends and family endorse the fact that I am a strong person. Mentally, I can survive almost anything I believe. My late dad always used to tell me that I could survive in the desert off the smell of an oil rag! How right he was!
Today Juliet called me Ninja - I will do my best to live up to all those images and impressions people have of me!
Back to the ins and outs of the day. Slept till about 4am. Finally got up at 6. The day was filled with OT, xrays, physio and lots of visitors. The girls are just wonderful. I must take my hat off to Mark for being the great dad he is!
When they left, little Kylee pleaded with me to come with them. Heartbreaking to say the least! Instead of getting too emotional, I gently explain to her that as soon as Ima gets stronger and my leg is better, I will be home. She takes Mark's hand and goes off. She leaves me wondering if she understands, and if she accepts things as they are, or if her head is full of confusion. I am afraid it is the later.
Just got interupted by the night nurse for my daily injection of blood thinners. The sides of my waist are covered in bruises from these injections. This I will definitely not miss!!
Not sure if I mentioned that I am on 24 hour pain killer- 2 pills a day and as much Optilgin that one wants....
I am often asked how I pass the time here. I must say that I am not bored at all. A good example of how my fellow wheelers pass the time is pizza night last night. It starts out by a few guys going around asking everyone if they want to join in a pizza. They then spend ther next 2 hours calculating how many people, how much pizza and debating where to order the pizza from. There is much excitement at the thought of experiencing the taste of 'outside'. The pizza arrives an hour late, they forget the drinks and am told that it was not tasty....Such disappointment...BUT, it provides great coversation for a few hours the next morning......And before you know it, the hours turn into days, which turn into weeks, months....and then we will all be HOME!
Tonight I am sending lots of love and hugs to my sister Janine! She is amazing and I am so blessed to have her back in my everyday life!!
I was listening to one of those self help positive thinking audio cds, and the subject was the ego. In this place, there is no room nor need for ego. When it comes to the crunch, no matter what age, color or gender, we are all here to heal. All ones energy is focused on the body. When there is excitement and a pat on the back because I can dress myself, there is no ego. I over hear a group of teens talking. Not about the summer, the latest music or the hotest trends, but they were encouraging one of the boys to try and walk on his leg/foot. He was nervous, but they persist and insist. There is no ego there. Esty, takes her first steps on crutchers and gets a round of applause, There is no ego there. At OT, I am now managing to pick up the bottle tops and screw them onto the bottles. I get a pat on the back.
The question is, why in our everyday lives, are we not able to let go of the ego and give each other a pat on the back more often?... I really do not have the answer.
Another thing this experience has revealed, is the impression people have of me. It is encouraging to see that most friends and family endorse the fact that I am a strong person. Mentally, I can survive almost anything I believe. My late dad always used to tell me that I could survive in the desert off the smell of an oil rag! How right he was!
Today Juliet called me Ninja - I will do my best to live up to all those images and impressions people have of me!
Back to the ins and outs of the day. Slept till about 4am. Finally got up at 6. The day was filled with OT, xrays, physio and lots of visitors. The girls are just wonderful. I must take my hat off to Mark for being the great dad he is!
When they left, little Kylee pleaded with me to come with them. Heartbreaking to say the least! Instead of getting too emotional, I gently explain to her that as soon as Ima gets stronger and my leg is better, I will be home. She takes Mark's hand and goes off. She leaves me wondering if she understands, and if she accepts things as they are, or if her head is full of confusion. I am afraid it is the later.
Just got interupted by the night nurse for my daily injection of blood thinners. The sides of my waist are covered in bruises from these injections. This I will definitely not miss!!
Not sure if I mentioned that I am on 24 hour pain killer- 2 pills a day and as much Optilgin that one wants....
I am often asked how I pass the time here. I must say that I am not bored at all. A good example of how my fellow wheelers pass the time is pizza night last night. It starts out by a few guys going around asking everyone if they want to join in a pizza. They then spend ther next 2 hours calculating how many people, how much pizza and debating where to order the pizza from. There is much excitement at the thought of experiencing the taste of 'outside'. The pizza arrives an hour late, they forget the drinks and am told that it was not tasty....Such disappointment...BUT, it provides great coversation for a few hours the next morning......And before you know it, the hours turn into days, which turn into weeks, months....and then we will all be HOME!
Tonight I am sending lots of love and hugs to my sister Janine! She is amazing and I am so blessed to have her back in my everyday life!!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
August 8th (not 7th) - A new day
The night was ok - woke at around 1:30 for extra pain killers. Was up and showered by 6:30am. After the regular breakfast of tuna salad (how much longer can I suffer this?), I was off to OT. We did stretching excersises for the hand. Also got a night brace to help keep the hand in position at night and hopefully have less pain.
Had all the stitches and staples out. didn't feel much as the area is also a bit numb. But one step closer to home. The staples look just like paper ones - not sure what I was expecting.
Went to art class. I could people watch for hours. The art room is not short of interesting characters. Everyone has one thing in common, other than being in wheelchairs, and that is to pass the time here as quickly as possible.
Physio is good - an hour session! Getting stronger.
On the whole I am feeling very possitive. I was told that instead of waisting time and energy on worrying about Mark, I should concentrate on sending him light and love.
So I am gathering all the light and love in the universe and am sending it to my Mark and my girls!!!
The healing light I am keeping for myself!
Had all the stitches and staples out. didn't feel much as the area is also a bit numb. But one step closer to home. The staples look just like paper ones - not sure what I was expecting.
Went to art class. I could people watch for hours. The art room is not short of interesting characters. Everyone has one thing in common, other than being in wheelchairs, and that is to pass the time here as quickly as possible.
Physio is good - an hour session! Getting stronger.
On the whole I am feeling very possitive. I was told that instead of waisting time and energy on worrying about Mark, I should concentrate on sending him light and love.
So I am gathering all the light and love in the universe and am sending it to my Mark and my girls!!!
The healing light I am keeping for myself!
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Saturday August 8th - angels
Do you believe in angels? I cetainly do. I have been truely blessed. Whether you believe it or not, when special people come from out of nowhere to offer help in my healing, I know that the universe is looking out for me!
Dianne Mittel is my guardian angel! The amazing love, light and support she has given me and continues to give me is my saving grace. A woman that I have only met once in person, but that I feel I have known my whole life.
Being in the situation I am in has shown me that there are so many good people in this beautiful world we live in.
Last night was so so. But I feel good today. I feel lighter and more positive. I feel that soon I will be running and waving my hand!
Yesterday morning I was tired, but had a wonderful afternoon filled with lots of family and friends.
I tell Eden I love her and she tells me, " I know you love me Ima, but you can't come home yet." What a clever little girls she is. Like she knew what I was feeling and what I wanted to say.
Tomorrow the stitches and staples come out. This morning, while the nurse was changing the dressing on my arm - they take the cast off everyday and change the dressing - I took some photos of the wounds so I can finally see what it all looks like. Not a pretty sight I must say, but the body is amazing. Of course I will have scars but the skin will regenerate and look better in time.
A fellow wheeler just came up to me and wanted to speak English. He was born in England but came to Israel as a young child. The poor man, about mid fifties, fell out of a belcony and is now paralysed from the chest down. He wanted to know if I also cry all the time. He can't stop crying he says. What hope can I offer him? I just tell him that it is good to cry and he must stay positive.
Once again I am gratefull for the injuries I have.
Dianne Mittel is my guardian angel! The amazing love, light and support she has given me and continues to give me is my saving grace. A woman that I have only met once in person, but that I feel I have known my whole life.
Being in the situation I am in has shown me that there are so many good people in this beautiful world we live in.
Last night was so so. But I feel good today. I feel lighter and more positive. I feel that soon I will be running and waving my hand!
Yesterday morning I was tired, but had a wonderful afternoon filled with lots of family and friends.
I tell Eden I love her and she tells me, " I know you love me Ima, but you can't come home yet." What a clever little girls she is. Like she knew what I was feeling and what I wanted to say.
Tomorrow the stitches and staples come out. This morning, while the nurse was changing the dressing on my arm - they take the cast off everyday and change the dressing - I took some photos of the wounds so I can finally see what it all looks like. Not a pretty sight I must say, but the body is amazing. Of course I will have scars but the skin will regenerate and look better in time.
A fellow wheeler just came up to me and wanted to speak English. He was born in England but came to Israel as a young child. The poor man, about mid fifties, fell out of a belcony and is now paralysed from the chest down. He wanted to know if I also cry all the time. He can't stop crying he says. What hope can I offer him? I just tell him that it is good to cry and he must stay positive.
Once again I am gratefull for the injuries I have.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
August 5th - one week & counting!
Make time for living to appreciate life!
About a month ago, I mentioned that I think I would like to take an art class. I have no idea how to draw or paint at all, but it is something I would love to learn. Mark and I are always talking about the need to make time for us. To find a babysitter and go for a coffee or the likes. I should also make time to catch up on my reading. I have been reading the same book for about 6 months now....a book that i would finish in a few days usually.
Life is hectic.
We are on the run all day everyday from about 6am until I crash at about 11pm...I must admit that the girls take up a lot of our time, but that is pure joy - unless it is from 11pm to 6am, which I am afraid to say has been the case many a night for the past 4 years.
I mention all this because my life has slowed down quite some - lets say on a scale of 1 to10- if before the accident it was 10, it is now about -10. I mean just going to the loo takes triple the time, so slow slow slow is what it is all about now.
Yesterday I had a good morning - not much pain. I went up to the activity room. Here you can paint, do all kinds of art work, play music, play card games, internet, etc. etc. So i find myself finally making time for my art classes. I am now painting something (with my left hand) for the girls room.
I go for OT. The challenge of the day is to pick up bottle tops with my right injured hand,and screw the tops onto the bottle. Sounds like something even Kylee can do. I at first can't do it. Just to grab the top with my fingers is hard enough, but to screw them onto the bottles is proving to be quite a challenge. After much blood, sweat and tears I manage to do ten. Bina, my therapist, is full of praise. Just like a mother with her child who manages to fit the piece of the puzzle in the right place.
The afternoon my arm is in pain. I am dreading the night to come. I am asked if I would like to go out to a musical play. I take all the pain killers I can handle and off we go. They take about 5 of us, load us with our wheels onto the vehicle and we spend 2 hours at the Camari theater in Tel Aviv. It is a bit long to sit in the wheelchair and my arm aches, but it was lovely to get out.
It was a strange experience to be the one in a wheelchair that people look at and feel sorry for and make way for. I don't take it personally, and know in my heart that you are me and I am you. This wheelchair has everyones name on it! One just does not know what is waiting around the corner.
The night is so so. The sleeping pill does nothing for me....The doctor says we will try another one tonight.
My arm is in pain today. Pain killers every 4 hours. They do take the edge off.
Another challenging day at OT -have to pick up little pegs and squeeze them open and put them on a board. My hold hand shakes everytime I try and squeeze. Bina makes me a temporary brace to try and hold the wrist up. It does help somewhat.
I chat to Sara - she is deaf, and lip reads. I have to concentrate when she speaks. We manage to converse quite well. She has had an op on her back. They have found a growth on her spine. Once again I find myself giving thanks that I have a few broken bones...
Sunday all the stitches and staples come out.
Already been here one week -lets hope the rest of the time goes just as quick!!
I am determined to have a good nights sleep!
About a month ago, I mentioned that I think I would like to take an art class. I have no idea how to draw or paint at all, but it is something I would love to learn. Mark and I are always talking about the need to make time for us. To find a babysitter and go for a coffee or the likes. I should also make time to catch up on my reading. I have been reading the same book for about 6 months now....a book that i would finish in a few days usually.
Life is hectic.
We are on the run all day everyday from about 6am until I crash at about 11pm...I must admit that the girls take up a lot of our time, but that is pure joy - unless it is from 11pm to 6am, which I am afraid to say has been the case many a night for the past 4 years.
I mention all this because my life has slowed down quite some - lets say on a scale of 1 to10- if before the accident it was 10, it is now about -10. I mean just going to the loo takes triple the time, so slow slow slow is what it is all about now.
Yesterday I had a good morning - not much pain. I went up to the activity room. Here you can paint, do all kinds of art work, play music, play card games, internet, etc. etc. So i find myself finally making time for my art classes. I am now painting something (with my left hand) for the girls room.
I go for OT. The challenge of the day is to pick up bottle tops with my right injured hand,and screw the tops onto the bottle. Sounds like something even Kylee can do. I at first can't do it. Just to grab the top with my fingers is hard enough, but to screw them onto the bottles is proving to be quite a challenge. After much blood, sweat and tears I manage to do ten. Bina, my therapist, is full of praise. Just like a mother with her child who manages to fit the piece of the puzzle in the right place.
The afternoon my arm is in pain. I am dreading the night to come. I am asked if I would like to go out to a musical play. I take all the pain killers I can handle and off we go. They take about 5 of us, load us with our wheels onto the vehicle and we spend 2 hours at the Camari theater in Tel Aviv. It is a bit long to sit in the wheelchair and my arm aches, but it was lovely to get out.
It was a strange experience to be the one in a wheelchair that people look at and feel sorry for and make way for. I don't take it personally, and know in my heart that you are me and I am you. This wheelchair has everyones name on it! One just does not know what is waiting around the corner.
The night is so so. The sleeping pill does nothing for me....The doctor says we will try another one tonight.
My arm is in pain today. Pain killers every 4 hours. They do take the edge off.
Another challenging day at OT -have to pick up little pegs and squeeze them open and put them on a board. My hold hand shakes everytime I try and squeeze. Bina makes me a temporary brace to try and hold the wrist up. It does help somewhat.
I chat to Sara - she is deaf, and lip reads. I have to concentrate when she speaks. We manage to converse quite well. She has had an op on her back. They have found a growth on her spine. Once again I find myself giving thanks that I have a few broken bones...
Sunday all the stitches and staples come out.
Already been here one week -lets hope the rest of the time goes just as quick!!
I am determined to have a good nights sleep!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
August 3rd - just an average day
I start each blog with the date. At occupational therapy they randomly ask questions, like, "what is the date today?", in order to pass with flying colors, I need to keep myself prepared!
The therapist at OT, Bina, is the sweetest young girl. She speaks with a smile. It is because of this, that when she first tells me I have something called drop wrist - where the radial nerve is damaged and it could take months to get it right, the impact of her words do not fully hit me. Only about an hour later I start to get stressed, thinking in extremes- what happens if the nerve never recovers, do I have to start getting used to being a lefty, how will manage with one hand with the kids,etc etc etc?
I have a good workout at physio, although there is no chemestry between Marina, the physio and I...maybe I will request a change.
Just as I am feeling sorry for myself, Mira, a fellow wheeler, starts chatting. She gives me a pep talk. She is a sweet lady that loves it when Eden and Kylee come visit. She showers them with cookies and juice, reads them stories. They love this holiday place where Ima is staying.
Speak with Maya, she tells me not to listen to what they say about how long it will take to heal. Time to put into practice all the reading I have done over the years. Affirmations. Positive thinking. You make your destiny.
She is so right. I am now feeling stronger. I will not be defeated. I will heal in record time!
Did I mention that tonight I am getting all the drugs - a sleeping pill and strong pain killer. Need to have a good night in order to be fighting fit tomorrow.
Sitting at the computer next to me is a young arab guy. He is looking after his brother who was in a serious accident a few months ago. I wont go into details about his medical condition, but gee am I lucky to be here with a broken leg and arm!!
Mark is very stressed tonight. The support and kindness of my office is an amazing example for bosses and workplaces to learn from.
MMMMM the smell of buttered popcorn. Every night a bunch of wheelers make popcorn and play tile rummy.
JK, as promised, you do make me laugh!
Mom, lets hope that soon you will be sleeping on your right side. BTW mom, did I tell you that I use the snoopy pjs you bought me as a cushion for my hand and wrist?
OK, going to read a bit and get an early night.
The therapist at OT, Bina, is the sweetest young girl. She speaks with a smile. It is because of this, that when she first tells me I have something called drop wrist - where the radial nerve is damaged and it could take months to get it right, the impact of her words do not fully hit me. Only about an hour later I start to get stressed, thinking in extremes- what happens if the nerve never recovers, do I have to start getting used to being a lefty, how will manage with one hand with the kids,etc etc etc?
I have a good workout at physio, although there is no chemestry between Marina, the physio and I...maybe I will request a change.
Just as I am feeling sorry for myself, Mira, a fellow wheeler, starts chatting. She gives me a pep talk. She is a sweet lady that loves it when Eden and Kylee come visit. She showers them with cookies and juice, reads them stories. They love this holiday place where Ima is staying.
Speak with Maya, she tells me not to listen to what they say about how long it will take to heal. Time to put into practice all the reading I have done over the years. Affirmations. Positive thinking. You make your destiny.
She is so right. I am now feeling stronger. I will not be defeated. I will heal in record time!
Did I mention that tonight I am getting all the drugs - a sleeping pill and strong pain killer. Need to have a good night in order to be fighting fit tomorrow.
Sitting at the computer next to me is a young arab guy. He is looking after his brother who was in a serious accident a few months ago. I wont go into details about his medical condition, but gee am I lucky to be here with a broken leg and arm!!
Mark is very stressed tonight. The support and kindness of my office is an amazing example for bosses and workplaces to learn from.
MMMMM the smell of buttered popcorn. Every night a bunch of wheelers make popcorn and play tile rummy.
JK, as promised, you do make me laugh!
Mom, lets hope that soon you will be sleeping on your right side. BTW mom, did I tell you that I use the snoopy pjs you bought me as a cushion for my hand and wrist?
OK, going to read a bit and get an early night.
Monday, August 2, 2010
August 2nd - Strength?
So once again the night is sleepless. Funny that at home I say it is the girls that keep me up, here it is the pain. Maybe just maybe it is my own busy mind that can't find that peace and rest. Who knows....
"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger". Is this really the case? I debate this question with Juliet from work. How I love the so many hours we have spent over the years debating the meaning of life and the like. She believes this statement to be true. I, on the other hand, do not.
If a person is by character not very strong, how can a tragedy or unexpected stressful event make that person stronger? In my case, I am by character a strong person, so does the experience that I am going through have any impact on my strength? I believe not. It is an experience that if I were ever faced with a similar situation ,I would know what to expect, and thus know better how to deal with what lies ahead.
Fear. Fear of the unknown and lack of control is what we all suffer from.
Back to the nuts and bolts of my day. As I only have partial feeling in my fingers and none in my wrist area, they decided to cut 2 inches off the cast, so they can start to work on my hand. My wrist hangs limp. My brain sends a message to the wrist to lift it up and nothing happens. I mean nudda! It is extremly odd and a bit worrying. However, there is hope, cause a few days ago I had no feeling at all in my fingers and slowly, the feeling is returning. Hope hope hope.
As the body is not very mobile, I get an injection every night of blood thinners. I am not sure what they are injecting into me, but this stuff burns like hell!
At physio I am paying the price for being a couch potato the last few years. I now have to do leg lifts with the extra weight of the cast - serves me right!
Didn't get to see the girls today, as it is Eden's end of year party. Wednessday is Kylee's. I know in years to come ( or probably weeks) neither of them will remember that I was not at their parties, but I will remember forever!
So miss sitting with Mark and having our late night talks......you are always in my heart! Love you!
"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger". Is this really the case? I debate this question with Juliet from work. How I love the so many hours we have spent over the years debating the meaning of life and the like. She believes this statement to be true. I, on the other hand, do not.
If a person is by character not very strong, how can a tragedy or unexpected stressful event make that person stronger? In my case, I am by character a strong person, so does the experience that I am going through have any impact on my strength? I believe not. It is an experience that if I were ever faced with a similar situation ,I would know what to expect, and thus know better how to deal with what lies ahead.
Fear. Fear of the unknown and lack of control is what we all suffer from.
Back to the nuts and bolts of my day. As I only have partial feeling in my fingers and none in my wrist area, they decided to cut 2 inches off the cast, so they can start to work on my hand. My wrist hangs limp. My brain sends a message to the wrist to lift it up and nothing happens. I mean nudda! It is extremly odd and a bit worrying. However, there is hope, cause a few days ago I had no feeling at all in my fingers and slowly, the feeling is returning. Hope hope hope.
As the body is not very mobile, I get an injection every night of blood thinners. I am not sure what they are injecting into me, but this stuff burns like hell!
At physio I am paying the price for being a couch potato the last few years. I now have to do leg lifts with the extra weight of the cast - serves me right!
Didn't get to see the girls today, as it is Eden's end of year party. Wednessday is Kylee's. I know in years to come ( or probably weeks) neither of them will remember that I was not at their parties, but I will remember forever!
So miss sitting with Mark and having our late night talks......you are always in my heart! Love you!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
August 1st
The nights are long and hard. No deep breathing or positive thinking could see me through the pain last night. Drugs, drugs and more drugs!
Managed to shower semi-independent today. Finding it hard to believe that I am talking about myself having a shower. What strange conversation and thoughts.....
Meet with the social worker - usual questions that you would expect. Sort of like a job interview....
Waiting to go for physiotherapy to get the body moving.
Mark comes to visit. Here again, strange having to think of my husband visiting me....
I guess the conclusion is that the whole situation is not normal, so my day to day life can not be about the ordinary things that usually surround my life.
My wondeful friend Maya arranges for homiopathetc remedies to be delivered to me! Now the body has no choice but to heal in the best possible way - it is being treated from all directions!
Did I mention that when I first arrived here everyone was going backwards down the passages in their wheelchairs. Mark & I thought we had arrived at the nut house. A few hours later when I got my wheels, I too was doing the backwards journey. It much easier to push a laod on 1 foot, than to pull.
A surprise visit by Nini and girls helps pass the evening hours - love you guys!
Drora, an amazing lady who looked after the girls today, called to say they went swimming and had a ball. She is a true angel that has been sent to help us out. There really are truely amazing people in this world.
Not in the mood for writing much today, except to recall a wonderful poem that has stuck in my head for years now, by Ella Wheeler Wilcox:
One ship drives east and another drives west
With the selfsame winds that blow.
Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales
Which tells us the way to go.
Like the winds of the seas are the ways of fate,
As we voyage along through the life:
Tis the set of a soul
That decides its goal,
And not the calm or the strife.
I can't remember the name of the poem.
So I find myself in this sea and only I can set my sails to ensure that I sail to an ideal destination.
In a weeks time the stitches and staples come out.......
Managed to shower semi-independent today. Finding it hard to believe that I am talking about myself having a shower. What strange conversation and thoughts.....
Meet with the social worker - usual questions that you would expect. Sort of like a job interview....
Waiting to go for physiotherapy to get the body moving.
Mark comes to visit. Here again, strange having to think of my husband visiting me....
I guess the conclusion is that the whole situation is not normal, so my day to day life can not be about the ordinary things that usually surround my life.
My wondeful friend Maya arranges for homiopathetc remedies to be delivered to me! Now the body has no choice but to heal in the best possible way - it is being treated from all directions!
Did I mention that when I first arrived here everyone was going backwards down the passages in their wheelchairs. Mark & I thought we had arrived at the nut house. A few hours later when I got my wheels, I too was doing the backwards journey. It much easier to push a laod on 1 foot, than to pull.
A surprise visit by Nini and girls helps pass the evening hours - love you guys!
Drora, an amazing lady who looked after the girls today, called to say they went swimming and had a ball. She is a true angel that has been sent to help us out. There really are truely amazing people in this world.
Not in the mood for writing much today, except to recall a wonderful poem that has stuck in my head for years now, by Ella Wheeler Wilcox:
One ship drives east and another drives west
With the selfsame winds that blow.
Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales
Which tells us the way to go.
Like the winds of the seas are the ways of fate,
As we voyage along through the life:
Tis the set of a soul
That decides its goal,
And not the calm or the strife.
I can't remember the name of the poem.
So I find myself in this sea and only I can set my sails to ensure that I sail to an ideal destination.
In a weeks time the stitches and staples come out.......
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