So when I look back at the nine weeks that have passed since the accident, it seems that time has both gone very fast and extremley slow all at the same time.
One of the most amazing things I have come to understand better, is the human body. How amazing it is indeed. We never think about each breath that we take, or step that we take, or a wave of the hand and the muscles and nerves that make it all happen. The body functions, grows, regenerates itself - all this and more without us ever giving a thought. So the question is, what would happen if we did think about it more often? If we used our thoughts to 'influence' the way the body acts and re-acts. I do believe that our thoughts do impact our physical state (and of course our mental state). To what degree I am not so sure. If I listen to Deepak Chopra (both a medical doctor and healer), then I should be convinced that our mental state and thoughts are all that really matter, as that is what controls how our body functions.
One thing I do know is that being positive throughout my experience has certainly helped me. I am walking quite well now. Each weekend that I am home is a kind of test for me. I am able to check myself and my abilities. This last weekend I even managed to wash dishes. Not so sure if it is a good thing actually, and not so sure if the dishes were really clean. But at least I managed a task that 2 weeks ago I could not do. One thing I do notice is how everything takes me so much longer to do. In fact I believe that it is a good thing to slow down life somewhat. If I am really honest with myself, I deep down believe that the nerve damage to the wrist and hand is meant to slow me down. It is a message to me, telling me that I am not meant to just go back to my old life. Always running, from dawn to dawn (no rest with kids that don't, or didn't sleep). So life is slower....The shower takes much longer, the walk across the room is slow, to cut up some veggies is slow enough for me to actually smell the taste of them. Slow slow slow.
Being home for 4 days this last weekend, also allowed me to realize how much time I have had to think about myself. It has been good, but enough is enough. Although the road ahead is still long for my arm and hand and I am sure there will be alot more for me to think about, it will be great to wake up everyday beside Mark and to see the girls smile first thing in the morning. Although Eden is not so cheerful in the early hours. Kylee on the other hand wakes up running! Eden and I made a calendar, until my home coming. She crosses out the days each night. I am not sure if my suggestion to make the calendar, was more for her or for myself. Only 8 sleeps to go, of which 4 of those nights will be at home. Yay, yay yay!!!
My current roomie will not be happy to see me go. She tells me so in Arabic. We have somehow found a way to understand each other. I feel very bad for her, as she feels very alone here. But I must say, everyone has gone out of their way to be extra nice to her and make her feel part of our second home. I can not stop to wonder how I would be received, if I was the only Jewish lady in a predominantly Arabic hospital.....
Anyway, my arm and hand bother me endlessly. Especially when I sleep. The hand is always just so heavy and no matter how much we push and stretch the arm, it always seems to bounce back to 90 degrees. After physio today, I lay on my tummy with weights on my arm pulling it downwards - I let gravity do most of the work. I was very good, but not long after, it bounced right back to 90 degrees.
The work never ends. But I remain as always, positive and hopefull!
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